Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
