There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
