My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
