whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
