he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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