I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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