Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
