why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
