and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
