After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i dont even know how to be here
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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