I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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