A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
