ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
