I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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