i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
