we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
