Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
