ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
