why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize