"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
