i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
