then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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