Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
