Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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