Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
