Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize