feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You were trust falling into bushes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
