On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize