i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
