So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
