I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
