i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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