so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
