Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
