I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
