for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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