and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
