they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
