i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
