do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
