I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
