New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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