I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
