I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
not ubering you a puppy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
