his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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