I will die if light touches me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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