my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
