just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
