smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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