I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
