I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how can u be prego again
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
