this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
