Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
