I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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