I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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