Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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