Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize