I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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