The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
