sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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