Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
