It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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