I am puke
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
