there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
