I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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