For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
