I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
