I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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